DALAI LAMA

　

Politics Confidential
The 14th Dalai Lama of Tibet has over 8 million Twitter followers, but he confesses he has never personally tweeted, explaining with his characteristic laugh that his fingers aren’t well-equipped for such modern technology. But he has no problem summing up the answer to happiness in 140 characters or less.

The MESSAGE:

“More compassionate mind, more sense of concern for other's well-being, is source of happiness,” he said during a rare interview with “Politics Confidential” when asked how to sum up his philosophy for happiness in the form ;of a tweet.

Self-centered attitudes, he said, are at the root of unhappiness and human suffering.

“Too much self-centered attitude, you see, brings, you see, isolation,” he said. “Result: loneliness, fear, anger. The extreme self-centered attitude is the source of suffering.”
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It’s been 54 years since the Dalai Lama – escaping persecution by the Chinese government—fled from his native country of Tibet for India, where he still lives today in exile. There is still no sign that the Chinese government will grant a level of autonomy to Tibet, let alone independence. And President Obama reiterated in a statement following a meeting with the Dalai Lama on Friday that “the United States does not support Tibet independence” and recognizes Tibet as part of China. Still, the Dalai Lama remains eternally optimistic on the topic.

Some officials in the Chinese government have characterized the Dalai Lama as “a wolf in sheep’s clothing” and one even called him a “demon.” But he merely laughs off such remarks: “Let them say whatever they like; the reality is reality.”

“Sometime a few years ago, some Chinese official described me as a demon. Then, you see, some reporter ask me, ‘what's my comment?’ Then I usually respond, ‘yes, I'm a demon with horns,” he said, moving his hands to look like horns on top of his head and laughing.

The Chinese government has also claimed that they will determine who will be the reincarnation of the Dalai Lama, a process which is traditionally determined by certain religious leaders within the Buddhist religion.

The Dalai Lama, who is now 78 years old and still appears to be in good health, has a different plan for succession.

“The Tibetan people will need to determine who the next reincarnation of the Dalai Lama is,” he said and added that it’s possible that the Tibetan people could decide that he is the last Dalai Lama and determine that the institution is “no longer relevant.” So long as it is the Tibetan people’s decision, he said, “I’m happy.”

“Sometimes I, jokingly, say … ‘I think, at least, six centuries, the history of Dalai Lama institution, ended with present Dalai Lama -- quite popular!’” he said with laugh.

He also said that it’s “very possible” that the next Dalai Lama, if there is another reincarnation, could be a woman. He notes that women, biologically, are more sensitive to other’s suffering; and for that reason, it may be more useful under some circumstances to have a female Dalai Lama.

On the topic of stress and frustration, he said he’s “always relaxed” but admitted that “sometimes, little irritation comes” during delayed flights of his extensive international travel.

He recalled one occasion when he lost his temper with a reporter.

“One lady [in] our interview, and she ask me, ‘what you want legacy?’ And then I told, no, I'm Buddhist monk, Buddhist practitioner, should not think about my name, these things,” he recalled, and explained that the reporter went on to ask the same question again three times.

“Then, I lost my temper,” he said with another laugh.

To find out if the Dalai Lama actually golfs as is portrayed in the popular movie “Caddyshack,” check out this episode of “Politics Confidential.”


ABC News’ Alexandra Dukakis, Tom Thornton, Hank Disselkamp, and Gale Marcus contributed to this episode.

PERSEVERANCE:

The girl who silenced the world for 5 minutes

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---I can't add much to this. One of her points is ''since we don't know how to fix things...STOP BREAKING THINGS!''

This Wall Street trader was making millions by 30 and left it all behind, here's why

---By 30 years old, Sam Polk had made more than $5 million in bonuses alone during eight years working on Wall Street. As a trader, he was living it up in Manhattan by the age of 25, able to count on a cash flow and perks that would be the envy of many. "It was an easy thing to go to a World Series game, which for a lot of people was like a dream," he tells us in the accompanying video as an example. Couple the perks with the seven-figure bonuses he was on track to earn and Polk had "a tremendous feeling of importance and power especially as a 25-year-old kid."
---But at 30, he abruptly decided to leave the Street. Despite the money Polk had been making, over the years he found himself nagged by envy. In a New York Times op-ed, he describes working at bulge-bracket firms like Bank of America and Citigroup  early in his career, on trading desks where everyone sits together and perspective goes out the door -- when you sit next to someone making $10 million, your $1 to $2 million compensation doesn't look so great.
---He went on to work at a hedge fund, and his obsession with money only got worse.
---He writes in the NY Times: Now, working elbow to elbow with billionaires, I was a giant fireball of greed. I’d think about how my colleagues could buy Micronesia if they wanted to, or become mayor of New York City. They didn’t just have money; they had power — power beyond getting a table at Le Bernardin. Senators came to their offices. They were royalty.
---Polk describes getting angry over a $3.6 million bonus because it wasn’t big enough. He came to believe that he personally had developed a wealth addiction.
---"One of the things I came to realize was I had been using money as this thing that would quell all my fears," he explains. "So I had this belief that maybe some day I would get enough money that I would no longer be scared ... I would feel successful. And one of the things I learned on Wall Street was no matter how much money I made, the money was never going to do it.
---In the end, he writes that it was observing his "absurdly" wealthy bosses that helped him realize the limits of unlimited money:

I was in a meeting with one of them, and a few other traders, and they were talking about the new hedge-fund regulations. Most everyone on Wall Street thought they were a bad idea. “But isn’t it better for the system as a whole?” I asked. The room went quiet, and my boss shot me a withering look. I remember his saying, “I don’t have the brain capacity to think about the system as a whole. All I’m concerned with is how this affects our company.” I felt as if I’d been punched in the gut. He was afraid of losing money, despite all that he had.
Related: "Silicon Valley is the new Wall Street": Alex Payne

---Polk says wealth addiction was a problem afflicting more on Wall Street than just him alone.
---He believes many people may look at inequality statistics and wonder, "How is it that folks at the top that are making so much money are still focused on accumulating more for themselves?"
---"I just know from my experience that I still felt like I didn't have enough, and I was so distorted about my wealth compared to the rest of the world -- I think that is a problem on a bigger scale," he says.
Related: Jamie Dimon gets a raise! How the 'king' of Wall Street became a martyr

---Now at 34, Polk runs a nonprofit called Groceryships, which he founded. It helps low-income families struggling with obesity to increase the amount of fruits, vegetables and other healthy foods in their diets.
---After writing about his story, he has college students reaching out for guidance. They want careers where they can support their family and achieve prestige, but where they can also derive meaning. What's his advice?
---"I get it, it is a tough spot -- money has helped me [in the past] and it definitely helps me today," he says. "At the same time, I was on a train that a lot of people stay on their whole lives, which is saying 'one day I'll have enough'...for me one of the benefits of working with such wealthy people was that I just saw that it was never going to happen."

CHEMISTRY IN RELATIONSHIPS

Your guide to the five kinds of chemistry in relationships

By Jonathan Small

Pretty much all of us know what someone’s talking about when they say, “Hey, I was on a date, and — wow — we had incredible chemistry.” In a nutshell, that means that these two people felt such a strong attraction to each other that they couldn’t wait to get somewhere, ahem, a little more private, right? Sure, that may be the most traditional kind of chemistry, but it’s hardly the only type. According to experts, that earth-moving, spark-flying phenomenon can assume many forms. To help you sort through all those crazy feelings you may have for someone, we’ve described five of the most common types of attraction you can experience. Recognizing and savoring all of them can lead to a fantastic, long-lasting relationship.

Type #1: Physical chemistry
This is the most common type of chemistry, but it’s also the most misunderstood. After all, pretty much everyone’s made the mistake of confusing physical attraction with love. Is there a way to differentiate one feeling from the other? Helen Fisher, Ph.D., an anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love, explains it this way: “Lust is basically the craving for sexual gratification,” she says. “It generally dissipates after the act and returns hours or days later. You can feel it for several different people at the same time, and you don’t necessarily feel ‘possessive’ or jealous. But when you’re in love, you are very possessive.”

Related: Does chemistry equal relationship compatibility?
No one is saying that sexual chemistry is evil or that you should necessarily hold out for something deeper to develop. Nor should you fret if you feel like lust is all you have in common with someone at first. According to Dr. Fisher, sleeping with someone can trigger a peak in the feel-good chemical dopamine — which, over time, can produce genuine, bonafide feelings of love. Hang in there, and it just may happen!

Type #2: We’re-so-comfortable chemistry
Have you ever been with a man who finishes your sentences or a woman who’s so easy to talk to that you feel like you can be totally unguarded around her? Welcome to comfort chemistry — that effortless rapport and connection that can exist between two people. “People who share this chemistry often feel like they’re a unit,” says Harry Reis, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester. “When they talk to each other, they almost feel like they’re talking to themselves.” Worried that all this familiarity makes you better friends than lovers? Never fear, simpatico feelings can often lead to lust later. “When you fall in love, the elevated activity of dopamine can affect levels of testosterone and trigger a heightened libido,” explains Fisher. Translation: You two may become passionate partners in no time!

Related: Do you two have chemistry?

Type #3: We-laugh-like-crazy-together chemistry
Ask someone to give you a wish list of what they look for in a mate, and humor almost always appears near the top of the list. “Everybody likes to laugh,” says Kate M. Wachs, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of Relationships for Dummies. “We’re all looking for a mate that helps us have fun.” Researchers have even found that laughing together increases how attractive people look to each other. So, don’t automatically relegate jokers to the role of “great to invite to a party.” Where there’s laughter, long-term love can follow: Just think how much easier it’ll be to get through all those rocky points that every relationship has sooner or later.

Type #4: We’re-so-complementary chemistry
While it’s important for us to find a mate who shares our values, we’re also attracted to those who are different from us. “We like complementary personalities who accentuate our good parts and mask our flaws,” says Dr. Fisher. For example, a sexy fashion model might have real chemistry with a nerdy mathematician — and vice versa. Why? She makes him feel sexy, and he makes her feel smart. Same goes for the antisocial type who marries a people person. We’re drawn to those who make us feel like better and more well-rounded people. The famous line in Jerry Maguire (“You complete me”) is a perfect example of complementary chemistry in action.

Related: Get a great relationship in just 6 seconds

Type #5: We-have-so-much-in-common chemistry
As anyone who has ever searched profiles on Match.com knows, finding common interests with your potential mate is a huge plus — whether that’s a penchant to cruise flea markets for that one-of-a-kind antique, or a love of camping deep in the wilderness. “We tend to gravitate towards people who share similar interests as us,” Dr. Fisher says. Not only does doing so make spending time together insanely easy, but sharing an activity you both enjoy allows you to get to know each other in a low-pressure environment. Plus, just think of what a bonding experience it would be if you both scaled those waterfalls at Yosemite together! These touchstones can become the foundation for a lot of fond memories — and a solid relationship.

Now that you know the five types of chemistry, be on the lookout to experience them all. Even if you don’t feel that “lightning has struck!” sensation when meeting someone, you two still might have excellent chemistry, if it’s given time to grow.

Jonathan Small is a Los Angeles-based writer who’s written for Glamour and other publications.

MARITAL HAPPINESS: WOMEN CONTROL

Wives Are in Control When It Comes to Marital Happiness

 

---Happy wives make for happy marriages. When it comes to marital satisfaction, it turns out women are in the driver’s seat.

---A new study from researchers at the University of California, Berkeley looked at the interactions of more than 80 middle-aged and older heterosexual couples, focusing on how they recovered from disagreements. Those in marriages in which the wives calmed down quickly during an argument were found to be the happiest. What’s more, those same marriages were shown to be happiest in the long run too.

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 ---According to Lian Bloch, lead author of the study and assistant professor at the Pacific Graduate School of Psychology-Stanford Psy.D. Consortium at Palo Alto University, even when both men and women were good at calming down during a disagreement, the emotional outcome of the fight was determined by how the wife was feeling, which, in part, might stem from long-held gender beliefs “Cultural stereotypes of women as the emotional center of marriage — and men as emotional dummies — led couples in this study to be more attuned to the wife’s emotional regulation, and that, in turn, is what is feeding both spouses' perceptions of marital quality,” Bloch tells Yahoo Shine. Translation: If the wife is happy, so is her husband, and as a result, so is the marriage. But, explains Bloch, this outcome may be generational. “It’s an interesting nuance to see what would happen if we did this study with younger couples,” she says. “As our cultural stereotypes about gender and emotion evolve, we might move away from this model that women are the emotional center of the marriage."



---Regardless of a couple’s age, Bloch says that an important part of resolving conflict is being able to step back and take stock during a disagreement. “You don’t have to have an anger-free marriage to have a happy marriage,” she says. “By calming down emotionally instead of being caught up in the negative hot spots, couples are able to think and communicate solutions more clearly and this drives marital satisfaction.”
---And, of course, communication is key for happy couples, says Teri Orbuch, PhD., professor of sociology at Oakland University, research professor at the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan, and a certified family and marriage and family therapist. “Wives are more bothered by conflict than husbands are, and it causes more distress to them and has ramifications for their long-term marital happiness,” Orbuch tells Yahoo Shine. Her advice? Go to bed mad. “We have all heard the opposite. But the reality is that nighttime, when we're tired and stressed out, is a terrible time to fight,” she says. “Wait until the light of day when you both have had some sleep. That way, you won't end up saying things you'll regret.”

MAN APOLOGIZES AFTER 35 YEARS - FACEBOOK

Mugger apologizes to victim on Facebook — 35 years later

 

Here's a heartwarming tale of forgiveness via Facebook, just in time for the holiday season.

A man who mugged a stranger outside New York's American Museum of Natural History in the late 1970s has apologized to his victim after accidentally finding him on Facebook — 35 years later.

Last month, Michael Goodman, 53, was browsing a Facebook post about the closing of H&H Bagels, a popular New York City bagel chain, when he saw Claude Soffel, his mugging victim, among the commenters. Goodman, who now lives in Hilo, Hawaii, decided to publicly apologize — in the comments section.

"You may not remember this," Goodman wrote on Nov. 19, "but a long, long time ago I walked up the steps of The Museum of Natural History one afternoon, trying to look like a tough guy.

“I have never forgotten the incident or your name (it has sort of haunted me a bit throughout my life) [and] then here I am … reading about my favorite bagel store in the world closing down, and [whose] name do I see but yours,” he continued. “Finally I can say — I’M VERY SORRY that you had to go through that crap that day long ago. I wish it had never happened but it did."

Soffel, now a 52-year-old life coach in Sag Harbor, N.Y., wrote back accepting Goodman's apology.

“Clearly you’re a ‘bigger man’ today,” Soffel replied. “Memory is a funny thing. I recognize your name now as well. Any man who draws a line for himself [and says] ‘Today I step forward for myself, my family, and humanity’ is a hero to me. So let us now, jointly, put this in its proper place, behind us.”

Goodman and Soffel did not immediately return requests for comment.

But Goodman told the New York Post that he mugged Soffel to "impress a classmate who didn’t believe I was in a graffiti gang."

“I went up to him and said, ‘Where’s your bus pass?’ The cops immediately pulled out badges and arrested me,” Goodman recalled. “I told this story throughout my life. I felt so bad about it.”

Goodman said he was sentenced to three weeks of community service, but never had a chance to apologize to Soffel — until now.

“A very large weight has been lifted off my shoulder,” he said. “I feel peace and dare I say joy. I’m even happier this is bringing joy to other people.”